The mental machinations that made me do this...

This thought at 1am in the freakin' morning, when I am getting up for work @ 5:30am, made me get up and do this, just to shut my mind the fuck up:

I just realized a fundamental thing about myself and my childhood which explains why I am such a loner/introvert, and have virtually always been. Beyond the fact that I was often left to play alone, keep myself entertained, this may be yet another reason why I have never had many friends. A explanation that goes beyond the idea that I abhor people whining about their crap in general, or talking about their great aunt sally who is doing yadda, yadda, yadda. Bores me to freaking tears (kudos: Mike Felger). I have always been told that not only AM I different, but that it's NORMAL and OKAY to be different. Thus, I have always taken the different path, chosen to be myself rather than follow the crowd kind of guy. I never thought things that kids my age thought were "cool," actually were "cool." I behave differently than most people because I was told it was okay to do so. And as much as Americans/parents tell their children in rough times that it's "okay" to be different, the real, unvarnished truth is that American's, by and large, LOATHE to be different. I am starting to see this in my position as a Special Educator. Parents have openly complained, and some teachers have commented to me, that they don't want my students to appear to be doing/getting different homework than their general education students. All the while treating kids as if they are clueless morons. Clearly, they are not brilliant creatures, but they are usually not so blindly stupid as to not know that they are struggling. Here's the rub: What they often don't know is the most important aspect, the how and/or why. Moreover, what steps could they take, to self-empower themselves (yes, even in the first grade) to improve the effectiveness of their education. Others may indeed be so clueless that they don't get they are behind the curve, and thus think everything is hunky-dory until they hit middle school and are suddenly smacked in the face with not only adolescent hormones, but the sudden realization they are not as smart as they thought they were.

I think parents need to move on to acceptance sooner, and we as a school system need to foster this change. For the research shows that the sooner the intervention, the greater the likelihood of long-term success. I'd rather bruise the ego of a freaking 2nd grader by showing them exactly how they are struggling and telling them that they are indeed different, than protecting that bullshit bubble of comfort their parents would love to keep around them, only to have it burst at the worst possible time. My hands are tied until administrators come on board, as I would most assuredly get sued by some parent when their child came home and dare declared that they are different and are struggling.

But, it's not my place you say? Fuck you! I'm the professional here (the curse notwithstanding), and I know what is best for your child in this realm, and it's not pretending there is nothing wrong. Moreover, you expect me to teach your snot-nosed kid, while reinforcing bad behavior at home. So, who's really the problem here? I don't have a bad attitude towards your kid, I love your kid, I just don't like you.

Let me be clear: I personally don't remember the names or faces of any students who were more than likely taken to the resource room during my elementary education years. Heck there was even a grade between kindergarten and first grade they called "Reading Readiness" at my school, and I remember there were kids held back to getting to first grade for the year, but if my life depended on it, I couldn't name a single one.

So, could we please go back to celebrating individualism for real again: Not this phony individualism, so long as you fit within 2-3 cookie-cutter molds our society wants to put us in?

Well, if you were reading and paying attention this gave you some clues as to who/what/where I am/be. Take notes, the test will come later, and per my prerogative, my preference, it will not be multiple choice, it will be short essay, consisting of at least 10 questions. Yes, a 10 hour test...deal with it sucker.